The photographic image says, "Why can't you say what you want to say? -Easy relationships
If you draw the "correct boundary", your relationships will be easier!
If you write the contents roughly
It seems that the proper boundary is not drawn in most human relationships because the Japanese people originally have a weak concept of boundary.
Japanese communication is often pointed out as "I can't say No".The necessary "boundary line (boundary ...) → Continue reading
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|Feelings and emotions|
Depending on the contextInterpersonal relationsAlso say.
When one person was born, alreadyparentsHave a relationship with, and then兄弟(姉妹),Relative,acquaintance,friend,恋人,spouseThrough relationships with such people, we will engage in various human relationships. Of one person人生Is the history of human relations itself. Some of them are good and some are bad. In addition, human relationships may continue for a long period of time, but the relationships that have been built up may collapse in a short period of time..
Relationships are often the first of all worries, and it is believed that the history of the problem of relationships is as long as the history of mankind. There are many depictions of relationships by ancient people, such as the ancient Greeks, that, when read by modern people, seem to be like today's relationships. In other words, it shows that the problem of human relations is, in a sense, no progress, so to speak, an "eternal problem". (#Unchanged and changed aspects of human relationships as a problem(Explanation in section)
However, human relations are changing with the times, and sociologist Tenies and others have pointed out changes in modern and modern social structures.The relationship between the territory and blood ties in the former agricultural society is shifting to a relationship that does not depend on the territory and blood ties.It may be taken positively, but it may also be taken as a problem with confusion. (#Unchanged and changed aspects of human relationships as a problem(Explanation in section)
Humans have the ability to empathize, and the more empathy is struck, the deeper the relationships become. Relationships are the accumulation of communication, and are established by exchanging symbols, that is, nonverbal symbols and linguistic symbols (words) with each other. (#Communication and relationships(Explanation in section)
Distorted relationships can cause a variety of symptoms. Distorted marital and parent-child relationships in the home can lead to divorce and domestic violence. Distorted relationships at school due to various factors can lead to school violence, bullying, and refusal to attend school. (#Pathology of relationships(Explanation in section)
As a standard of healthy personality leading to healthy relationships, Olport (1) expands self-consciousness (2) establishes warm relationships with others (3) emotional stability (4) realistic perceptions, skills and challenges ( 5) Self-objectification, insight and humor (6) Life philosophy to unify life. (#Relationships and healthy personalities(Explanation in section)
Relationships as a problem. Unchanged surface and changed surface
Relationships are a source of trouble and some sort of "problem" for most people... Modern people are often nervous about coordinating their relationship with other humans., Each person knows the troublesomeness of human relations experientially.. In recent years, questionnaire surveys have often been conducted on the content of people's worries, but in most cases, "human relations" are at the top of the list. In other words, in general terms, human relationships are the biggest problem for people.
When did the relationship problem exist? It is believed that this is probably as long as the history of human society. And there hasn't been much progress in the problem of relationships. For example, if there is no water, digging a well or creating a reservoir will solve it in one generation, and the next generation will be less likely to face it again. However, in the problem of human relations, the accumulation of problem solving does not work, and ancient people and modern people live in almost similar situations.Say. From ancient times, human relationships havehatred,Envy,Enemies,SuspicionIn that respect, it can be said that human relations have not changed since ancient times. Relationships are, so to speak, "eternal problems.".. It is also said that human beings have the same wisdom about human relations at any time... For example, he lived in ancient Greek society, looked at human relationships cynically, and wrote his stupidity in a satirical style.TheophrastusSentence ("Various people』) Has been handed down to the present, but the observations and depictions of human relationships (flattery to influential people, flattery, etc.) depicted there are the caricatures of human relationships in modern times.satire) Is 100% valid.. Also, people who want to have powerPolitical marriageTo create a kind of human relationship byFujiwaraIt is a method that has continued from the time of the era to the present day, and there is no change and no progress..
However, there are some aspects that are changing with the times.
Agricultural societyRuralThen, the relationships that were tied up were inevitable and fateful. Being born there, growing up there, and living there is, so to speak, automatically incorporated into the relationships that were prepared before birth. Basically you can't get away from it.
However, humans living in modern urban areas do not (almost) have such an inevitability. When he reaches a certain age, he leaves his parents and goes to the city.Blood relationshipIt is inseparable, but physically separated. Even though I return to my hometown once or twice a year during the Bon Festival and New Year, I am usually away. In rural areas, where I live was a place of work,Ground edgeHas formed an inevitable relationship in terms of work. When it comes to urban borders, the place of residence and the workplace are irrelevant... That is in the center of a big cityNighttime populationとDaytime populationIt appears as a surprising difference.
Germany'sSociologistTeniesIs a historical transition from a society centered on blood and territorial ties to a society centered on corporate tiesGemine shaftFrom (community)Gezel shaftWe discussed with the dichotomy of (profit society). This is an American sociologistcoolieIt also overlaps with the discussion that was divided into "primary group" and "secondary means".Anthropologist OfMt. Yoneyama ToshinaoNamed the principle of human relations in an artificial organization that does not depend on blood relations or territorial relations as association relations, or "company relations" for short. And Tenies andcoolieThings are much more advanced now than they were in the early 20th century..
Many modern people consciously avoid human relationships based on the principle of territorial and blood ties that come with some kind of inevitability, and emphasize relationships with "others." For example, there is an increasing tendency to choose unrelated people as marriage partners. It is also possible to consider that the change in family outlook that took place in Japan after World War II was a shift in the emphasis from the blood relationship of parents and children to the "company relationship" of a married couple..
Modern people simply think that it is wonderful to escape from inevitability, that is, to be free. But at the same time, I'm a little embarrassed about being free. No matter who or how you want to have a relationship, you don't know what to do. I don't know how to build relationships.. He also says that urban life can be lively and lively, but on the other hand, he feels lonely in the city. For example, even if you stand alone in a corner of an intersection in a big city for a few minutes (or tens of minutes), you rarely meet an acquaintance. When you stare at the crowd flowing in front of you and bite into your heart that a large number of people are "others" who have nothing to do with you, you will feel loneliness. Modern people are aware that the twinkling of neon lights and the sound of automobiles have only the effect of arousing loneliness..
People who have lost their territorial and blood-related principles are not without a way to solve them. It is a method of treating others as if they were related to each other and building a company relationship that is likened to a blood relationship. For example, the relationship between "boss and child" is that. Make the right person a "boss" to build loyalty, and have them "be cute" and "similar to their relatives". If you take such a method, your life may be stable and happy. In addition, a blood-related fiction may be used in the real estate lending relationship, saying that "a landlord is like a parent, and a shopkeeper is like a child.".. This method of applying the principle of blood relations to company relations is a simple and convenient method.
Even with such a simple method, there is a possibility that it will be troublesome to insert and remove, and is there a way for strangers to freely mix with each other without becoming troublesome?And so on.
Communication and relationships
Dogs and cats also communicate with each other like dogs and cats and build relationships in their own way, but they cannot make detailed relationships like humans do. "FellowshipThis is a close friendship that you will not regret even if you are decapitated. The more words like this, the more intimate human beings can be. Why is this possible? That is because humans can use "words"., Because they can "understand" each other, have empathy, and empathize with each other..
A process in which a state very similar to the state occurring inside one human being occurs inside another human being,共 感Is. For example, someone says "painful." When the word "painful" is heard, a process occurs inside the person who hears it. The listener imagines a state similar to the state of the body expressed by the word "painful" in the context of his or her own experience. The listener doesn't usually feel pain in that part, but he knows what kind of physical condition he is trying to express by the word "pain"... Empathy also often occurs in the physiological dimension. For example, in a delicate relationship between a mother and a child, pain is not only experienced imaginatively, but may also be experienced as actual physiological pain. Every time the child says "it hurts," the mother actually hurts... Empathy often overlaps with the process of being described as "identification," and when a character falls into a critical situation, such as when a person is watching a movie, he or she feels uncomfortable. I'm throbbing (that is, my heart rate goes up) and I sweat in my hands. It can be said that humans replace themselves with the characters in the movie. Humans have the ability to "become the other person.".
By the way, regarding empathy using words, this is a mundane thing that is done on a daily basis, but it is strange if you think about it carefully. For example, if we analyze the movement of the human mind while reading a novel, as mentioned above, the reader follows the story of the characters in the work "becoming". This is a mediocre phenomenon. However, if you analyze it carefully, what this story is is nothing more than a clogging of ink stains that are spotted on paper. Humans call it letters, but materially (from a real point of view) they are just staring at paper and ink. For example, if you look at what humans are doing even if they are space creatures that do not know the characters, you may think that humans are strange creatures. After all, when I see the ink stains on the paper, I grin and cry... In other words, human beings have the ability to swim in the world of symbols as a shorthand notation of the real world.
Humans can move by symbols, and humans and humans can sympathize with each other by using symbols. It can be said that this process of empathy is communication..
共 感The more you are squeezed, the deeper your relationships will be. It can be said that human relationships are the accumulation of communication, and it is almost unimaginable that human relationships can be established without exchanging symbols with each other. Round trip many timesletter-E-mail,RepeatedA date,Talking,ConferenceSuch,friendRelationshiploveWhether it's a relationship or a teacher-apprentice relationshiptransactionIn terms of relationships, about human relationships are established through the exchange of symbols and words, and "speaking" is a basic condition of human relationships..
Non-verbal communication (NVC)
When humans communicate, they also use words to convey each other's emotions and intentions, but as the saying goes, "eyes speak as much as mouth," facial expressions rather than words. Facial expressions, eyes, and gestures can play a more important role.
On a daily basis, humans use multiple nonverbal cues to communicate messages with each other. thisNonverbal communication(Nonverbal communication: NVC).. This non-verbal communication may be used consciously or unconsciously..
Difficulty in communication
It is difficult for humans to understand each other no matter how many words they use. Because the dialogue takes place within humans.
There is "another self" inside one human being. In other words, it means "another person who has been taken in". Communication that seems to be progressing between two people is actually communication within one person. One scholar called this communication within humans "intrapersonal communication" and distinguished it from "interpersonal communication"..
To give one example of poor communication within an individual, one-man social relations, what sociologists call "AuthoritarianismIn a "society"One manIs called a person without "understanding" ability because he does not have "another self". Many people are struck by "another self." Someone who doesn't understand has some self-satisfaction, but the person who says hi-hi has no joy..
Find common terms
In the process of completely strangers overcoming the first encounter and striking each other, efforts are seen to find out what they have in common..
In modern times, human life experiences are terribly diverse. The family environment is different, the school is different, and the occupation is different. In the days when occupations were relatively simple to differentiate, most occupations could be understood by common sense. When I asked him, "I'm a carpenter," I knew he was a house builder. However, in modern times, there are many occupations in which even if you read the title of a business card, you cannot tell what this person is doing unless you are a person in the field. There are already thousands of occupations in the Prime Minister's Office occupation classification table.
In this way, humans have no idea where the points of contact with each other are, and are in a state of confusion. The state of not knowing what to do developed the so-called "social" technique. Also considered a classicDale CarnegieIn the book "How to make friends and influence people", there is a section "Know the hobbies and tastes of the other person". When you meet a person, you should look for a topic that the other person might be interested in in advance, and use that topic as a trigger to create a human relationship... Many social books have been published in the United States, Europe and Japan, following Carnegie's books..
In modern urban middle class and office worker society, there are many people who yearn for "the warmth of the topic". What does this "topic gorgeous" mean? It means that it has the ability to make most things a common topic. If you find that your opponent has a hobby of fishing, make fishing a common item. In soccer, you can talk about soccer immediately, and you can match anything with movies, paintings, plays, and so on. It makes it clear that the family has made a major shift from blood to company. Tests related to "common sense" are sometimes conducted, but today, "common sense" may be a universal common sense with others, and the fact that common sense is abundant means that there are various types. A person who has abundant common sense that can be shared with others, and a person who can smoothly meet with anyone. And those who focus on one thing paranoidly (monomaniac) and show no interest in the other have become more and more generally disliked in modern times..
Make a common term
In addition to the position of "searching for" a common topic, the position of "creating" a common new experience is also conceivable..
This is the case when two or more people work together for one purpose. If several people share their wisdom with each other for whatever purpose they cannot do alone, the work and its results will become a new common item..
- "Even if it's just a few days of teamwork, there have been years of emotional contact with each other. For those who have had such an experience, only long-term relationships are unnecessarily teamwork. You will find that it does not create the sum of the people you need. "
Creating a community
In modern times, the hollowing out of the community has progressed to the point where it is said that even people on the same floor do not know each other's faces or names in urban condominiums. In such a situation, community building is being called for, and movements are being developed in various ways..
The concept of community has been attracting attention in the psychology of human relationships, because it has become known that informal relationships (companies) between residents have great significance in promoting mental health. Because it came.
(1) "Relaxing" to relieve tension in daily life, (2) "Encouragement" by emotional empathy, (3) Presenting appropriate behavioral standards, (4) "Horizontal relationship" with an appropriate distance, In these respects, Ando pointed out that the community has a supportive function in terms of mental health..
Also, mainly in young women, symptoms such as extreme weight loss and amenorrhea occur.Adolescent thinnessMay occur. There are various theories about this. Shimizu says that in the background of adolescent anorexia nervosa, the psychology of refusal of maturity and refusal of femininity, which does not want to become a body with conspicuous secondary sexual characteristics, is working, and menstrual arrest is a necessary symptom... According to Shimosaka, such women are rebellious and dependent on their mothers at home.AmbivalentAttitudes and relationships can be seen.
Dedicated to pre-school and extra curricular
School violence,Bullying,Refusal to attend schoolIt has been a long time since such issues have been taken up as social issues. School problem behaviors need to focus on the background that produces problem behaviors and the qualitative changes in the mechanism of occurrence, rather than on quantitative increases and decreases..
According to Haru Tsurumoto, the pathological problems of the school can be summarized as follows..
- 1. Emphasis on intellectual education. Packing work. It is difficult to provide education that encourages the development of the entire personality.
- 2. Education system centered on going on to higher education. Give job seekers a feeling of being out of place. Ordering by deviation value.
- 3. Excessive competition for exams fosters only rivalry友情And a sense of solidarity does not grow. Only the relationship between the evaluator and the evaluator is emphasized between the teacher and the student, and it is difficult to develop a warm bloody relationship.
- 4. Teacher prestige is reduced. Teacher-student relationships have diminished, school management has been strengthened, and many prohibitions have been imposed.
There are several ways to understand social phobia. Interpersonal phobia is also said to be "a neurosis that attempts to avoid interpersonal relationships for fear of causing unreasonably strong anxiety and tension in interpersonal situations, resulting in dislike or strangeness.".
For social phobia,Blush fearThere are various types such as scopophobia, facial expression fear, and sweating fear. Blush fear is a symptom of fear of blushing in public, and scopophobia is a symptom of fear of another person's gaze.
Among the social phobias, some people call the phobia with delusional conviction "severe social phobia" or "adolescent paranoia". However, since such phobias are accompanied by delusions, some people think that it is better not to include them in social phobias and to treat them in another category..
People with social phobia do not feel anxious about the person they meet for the first time or the person they have completely resolved, and they feel anxious when they meet someone they know halfway through... However, recent social phobia says that the target of fear is not always acquainted..
Regarding the mechanism by which social phobia occurs, Masahisa Nishizono is investigating whether it is related to the psychology of shame or the psychology of fear. According to Nishizono's research, most boys have vague interpersonal fears or scopophobia that feel pressure from their surroundings, and they have anxiety about themselves in opposition to others. On the other hand, in the case of girls, interpersonal fear is associated with scopophobia, ugliness fear, and blush fear, and they are particular about their own body image that is exposed to the eyes of others..
In Yasutaka Nabeta's analysis, excessive self-consciousness is divided into the terms "private self-consciousness" and "public self-consciousness." Private self-consciousness is the focus on self-consciousness that is not directly observed by others, such as inner self, emotions, and mood. Public self-consciousness is about sticking to aspects observed by others, such as clothes, appearance, and behavior. If interpersonal hypersensitivity is within the normal range, evaluation from the surroundings and (excessive) awareness of the line of sight are created by increased public self-consciousness and disappear with increasing age. On the other hand, patients with social phobia have a lower self-esteem and a feeling of self-loathing, but they try to force a high self-ideal that they should be, and strengthen their public self-consciousness. And he says he is suffering from those gaps..
Relationships and a healthy personality
There are various conceptual rules for personality, but one that can be practically used in relation to human relationships is "personality is a dynamic organization of the psycho-physical system that determines behaviors and ideas that are characteristic of humans." Would be the definition of Allport.. And then "character,temperament, Interest, attitude,ValuesIt is an integrated body of individuals, including.
MaslowIt is,Self-fulfillment<Physiological needs, safety needs, affiliation and affection needs, respect needs, self-actualization needs> are listed as the driving force of the desire, and then the lower left needs are satisfied to the upper needs, and finally. He said that he would reach a higher level of motivation. In other words, the person who is satisfied from the lower needs and finally reaches the highest needs is the person with a healthier personality..
- 1) Expansion of self-consciousness.. How much interest that was focused only on oneself spreads to family, the opposite sex, hobbies, politics, religion, and work, how actively participates in this, and how much one expands oneself. So to speak, can we emphasize and magnify the happiness of others so that we can equate it with our own happiness?
- 2) Establishing warm relationships with others.. Respect and understanding of how deeply affectionate intimacy and human condition of all are to family and friends.共 感Can you have sex?
- 3) Emotional stability.. How well can you accept a frustrated situation and handle it properly and calmly to maintain a stable mental state?
- 4) Realistic perception, skills and challenges.. How well do you have an accurate perception of reality that is not distorted and a perception of truth? There are many people who cannot become a healthy personality because their basic intellectual ability is not enough, but rather they have high intellectual ability but lack emotional balance.
- 5) Self-objectification, insight andユ ー モ ア.. Do you objectively know and gain insight into what you are, what you have, and what others think you have? This insight and sense of humor are strongly linked.
- 6) Life philosophy that unifies life.. How clearly do you have a direction toward the goal of how to live your life? And how much do you have the philosophy that gives unity to your life, that is, the orientation to value?
- Hidetoshi Kato, "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations," Chuko Shinsho, 1966.
- Masaomi Takahashi, Toshio Akiyama, Haru Tsurumoto, Tokumi Ueno, "Psychology and Clinical Practice of Human Relations," Kitaooji Shobo Publishing Co., Ltd., 1995.
- ^ "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 15.
- ^ a b c d "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 2.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 5.
- ^ a b c "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 8.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 6.
- ^ Psychologist H.LaoziFrom contemporary American satiristJames ThurberI wrote a book called "Considerations on Human Friends" (1960) by collecting the works of Kokontouzai, and I can read the situation that has not changed over time ("Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" p. .8)
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 23.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, pp. 24-25.
- ^ a b c "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 29.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 34.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 35.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 64.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 65.
- ^ a b c "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 66.
- ^ Related item -- Theory of mind,autism
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 71.
- ^ What is meant by the symbol here is, as defined by C. Morris, "a stimulus that causes a reaction as if it exists even though something does not exist in front of the eyes". That's what it means. ("Understanding and misunderstanding human relationships" p.71)
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 74.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 76.
- ^ a b "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 22.
- ^ "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, pp. 25-27.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 82.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 83.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 85.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 48.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 49.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 50.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 51.
- ^ "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 53.
- ^ a b c "Understanding and Misunderstanding of Human Relations" 1966, p. 55.
- ^ a b c "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 63.
- ^ Nobuo Ando 1985 "Making friends and mental health" (Soro Kano "Modern Society and Human Relations") Kyushu University Press pp.97-113)
- ^ Masayuki Shimizu 1975 "Psychology of Youth" ("Modern Esprit Separate Volume: Anomalies of Modern People-Psychopathology of the Japanese" Shibundo pp.141-157
- ^ a b "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 130.
- ^ "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 140.
- ^ "Adolescent Problem Behavior and Its Guidance" (Introduction to Educational Psychology, Kitaoji Shobo pp.143-161)
- ^ Noriko Nagata 1992 "Interpersonal Phobia" ("Psychological Clinical Encyclopedia", Baifukan, pp.800-801)
- ^ a b c d e "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 138.
- ^ Yasutaka Nabeta 1989 "Anthropophobia" ("Personal psychology new course 3 adaptation and maladaptation" Kaneko Shobo, pp.299-315)
- ^ "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 139.
- ^ a b "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 196.
- ^ Allport, GW 1937, "Personality; A psychological interpretation.", New York: Holt, Rinehart & Winston
- ^ a b "Psychology and Clinic of Relationships" 1995, p. 205.
- ^ The correlation between insight and humor rating is as high as 0.89. ("Psychology and Clinical Relationships" p.206)
- ^ The meaning of lifeThere is also a related description.